I was afraid to give birth. With the wisdom of hindsight I now know that my mind had no connection with my body and what it can do. I didn’t know how to trust myself and I didn’t know if I could handle pain, or how much pain there would be.
At the parent-to-be hospital classes they would flick on a video of a woman giving birth and I’d leave the room crying, hiding in the toilets so no one could see how much ‘failure’ I already felt.
My mind was powerful and it created an emergency c-section with baby no 1 and a transverse position for baby no 2 who also came out the sunroof.
Do I genuinely care now how my babies came out? Not really. They’re safe, healthy and happy, and so am I.
Do I wonder what the experience of birth is like and whether it is as transformative as some say. Sometimes.
This natural birth story we published in the June 2014 issue of CHILD also made be cry, but for happier reasons. I wish I was given this information in those hospital classes when I was becoming a mum.